almost two months, seems like it just flew past without me knowing it. the time spent has been like a dream, so many things have happened, it seems so long yet so short. i've made friends, who may or may not last, but for the six weeks at least, these friendships were real. so short a time, but it seems as if so much experience has been packed inside. the experience that would follow me for a lifetime. the learning to be alone, live alone, cope with my fears, of everything, from the supernatural to the supposed danger of a girl living alone outside of home. the living together seven to a room, the fun, the laughter, the politics, the compromising, the sacrifices made, considerations for others. the extremely low prices haagen daaz and ben and jerrys, the grocery shopping, cooking for myself, cooking for others, cleaning up after myself, the coming and going, the feeling of being responsible only to myself, the sightseeing, the hthts, the feeling of missing home, then the feeling of not wanting to go home, the feeling of being locked out of house with noone to depend on, the shopping with abandon, the webcam sessions, the gossip sessions, mostly the freedom. but there are so many things i won't forget, cuz everything is so different.


stan's donuts, the cookies, ralphs, loads of mexican food, yoghurtland, landfair and the eternal uphill climb, powell library, half an hour walks to to class that doesnt feel that long, pork rib soup, eggplant omelette, santa monica, bus 2, persian ice cream, ross - dress for less, las vegas, venetian, MGM (jz made us walk soooo far. in my bad mood somemore haha), the magaritas, the long talks, ucla, botany building, boelter, life science building, bunche, kherckhoff, ackermann, ucla store, chilli's, haagen daz, ben and jerry's, 408, westwood chateau, walmart (where i wanted to go but never did), coffee bean, starbucks, griffith observatory, jap am. museum, ronald reagan's medical center, the coliseum, popeye's, iHOP, greyhound, super8, krispy kremes, treasure island, orange julius, kate spade, burberry, etc etc etc. the list is endless.

i really miss the place and the feelings for the place, i guess in some ways i know nothing can ever be the same. whatever friendships and confidantes cultivated there and then, it can hardly survive when we get back here. over there, circumstances forced us together and we became friends, and there were many conflicts, but we really didnt have much choice, and in any case, when responsibilities are high, so do the tensions run just as high. but under those circumstances, we pulled together and pulled through. now that we're back, do they still hold, it seems as if everything has been but a dream and not real. 6 weeks was perhaps too short to invest in any real emotions beyond the superficial. this is not to say that everything was fake. it's just that perhaps what emotions we felt towards each other, what relationships we build was based alot on each person's need for someone to depend on. it was perhaps this very dependence that led to the formations of those friendships, and perhaps now the time is over, it seems they will die, or perhaps already are dying in the midst of all those old relationships we already had when we return here, and that have lasted way longer and through way more hard times. perhaps. it seems that in LA, because of the being forced together, the lack of choice, we made friends we may not have done if we were here. and it seems that upon our return, so we become strangers? a pity though. =( that after coming through it all, we fade to just friends, and prhaps eventualy hi-bye friends. it seems almost as though the time in LA had never been, perhaps it never did, maybe i lived through the looking glass for two months.

on another note, conversations and looking at facebook photos have made me miss my friends alot really. i think in the busy-ness of last sem and the summer overseas, i've not seen many of them for ages, and i've neglected friendships. maybe it's time to pick them up again. because i know i miss those people alot. and i hate that i've missed out on so much that's going on with people who were supposed to matter so much to me. =/ time to wake up amelia. i'm feeling nostalgic.

some friends are going through hard times, and i hope they will get better soon. time heals all i suppose.

i only wanted to say that i never meant to harm anyone and what happened, happened, i dunno why or how, but it did, and now perhaps someone is paying for the consequences of my actions. i'm sorry. please forgive me.