can existing faults
be chased away like colts?
can a person change
will he become strange?
can things that have gone away
come back again someday?
can friendships that have gone awry
be repaired and all things sunny?
can love lost
be found, simply because?

i went to sleep at 6pm and was supposed to wake up at 9pm when my alarm clock rang but... i set the alarm clock at 9am = . = so i woke at 4am and went mental. hahaha i was supposed to submit my part of the proj ytd! omg. can i get anymore retarded pls?


drew looks at me, i fake a smile so he won't see
that i want and i'm needing everything that we should be.

and so you wonder: why would someone who is not exactly skinny want to bring attention to that very fact by wearing a T-shirt that says: "try to look! a new neckless" to advertise her status?

OH. that explains it. she has the characteristic pallor and stout shape of a ... . i guess i should not advocate bias based on nationality. but all the same, people ought to read before wearing their shirts if only to avoid becoming laughingstocks no?

in primary school, what with the endless bullying and running home in tears every other day, it never occurred to me before that perhaps the kids were jealous of me. it never occurred to me that there was anything they had to be jealous about. but on hindsight, maybe there were things. just like how when i became senior, and saw ellie being bullied, i'm ashamed to say i never stopped it. i liked her. but it was just easier to go with the crowd. i guess she was so sweet and precocious and she was really pretty too. horrible melissa ng peiwen, i dont think i'll ever forget her name, well she was the most vindictive bitch i ever knew. and we were only kids. i cant imagine how much trauma she must have inflicted on how many kids. but i never associated ellie's bullying with mine. maybe if i had, i wouldnt have let the inferiority complex develop to such an extent. if i had only seen, if i only knew what i know now. and i know i ought to be big and maganimous and nice but i can't. you cant imagine the amount of agony when noone in the entire schoolbus wants to talk to you. all because some stupid jealous brat told them not to. and what she was jealous of? well i think i can guess. i just met this girl two years older than me who was my senior in primary school today. and i guess she brought back some memories. how before they left, primary school wasn't so hard to bear. and it was only after they left that it became really bad. it appears that i was doted upon and they all liked me. that must have ruffled some feathers. i cant believe it. it seems so childish to look at it from this perspective now. but jealousy from the attention i was getting made her do all that rubbish? wth. i wish i could have stoned her to death then. i really hate you. dont ever let me see you again. you're probably the one person i can safely say i will hate for the rest of my life. i wish you bad luck all your life.

biochem test was ok, so now two tests down, 3 projs, 2 essays, 2 tests more to go. and not to mention the presentations and Professional comm's quizzes. darn.

on the way home from tuition today, i saw two dam cute kids. one boy one girl. haha they were disturbing each other, and then they were playing scissors paper stone, and they teased and laughed and played. and you wonder about the times when things were so simple and sweet, how did everything get so complicated? or maybe things didn't, but we did. we make things difficult for ourselves, we refuse to be contented or satisfied with what we have, we refuse to let ourselves be carried away with our emotions, the simple joys. we play mind games and in turn assume that others do too. but i don't really want to. why can't everything be clearer, more black and white? i dont like grey areas. everything is too uncertain. so prone to crumbling. it scares me a bit sometimes.

Teardrops On My Guitar -

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.