there comes a point when you just feel so tired. of all the complicated relationships around you. why must everything be connected with such a myriad of other emotions and feelings? if i love someone why can't it be pure with no feelings of sadness anger disappointment mingling? why can't others just leave you alone to do what you're meant to? why can't i do my own thing? why can't i? it's my life isn't it? you gave it to me, yes. and i'm eternally grateful. but now it's mine. take it back if you must. then, take all of it back. but otherwise stop making me straddle the divide.

it's just all so tiring and draining. i don't feel like talking to any of you. i'll sooner live alone. no complications. would you be happier? if i went away and became a nun. i'm gonna withdraw now and hit the books. it's infinitely better than having to deal with this thing you call 'my life'.