life's good till something happens. somebody's ideal till he/she does something wrong. then it all falls apart. and the worst thing about it is that you never know when something will happen, what will happen. you can only sit still and watch it happen and wonder why you never ever foresaw it's happening. and why you find it so hard to believe even as it unfolds in front of you right now, unravelling everything you ever had, everything you ever thought you had.

i feel like i hadn't grown up until everything that everyone has told me just started hitting me. it's like getting drenched in ice cold water in the dead of the night. it's time to wake up i guess. it's time to grow up. cuz i can't put it off any longer, not when i know these things now that i never knew before. not when more and more responsibility is being placed on my shoulders. not when i know that whatever i do now affects me for the rest of my life. not when my parents can't protect me anymore. it makes me feel exposed. it makes me go weak in the knees with nerves.

i've always been scared of promises of forever or for always. because you know, people say things in the heat of the moment. but life and love, they are the same. they are so unpredictable and so fragile. and the more you believe in them, the more you hope, the more broken you feel if ever anything goes wrong. sometimes things you thought would be forever turn out not to be. it makes me feel hopeless. like nothing will ever work out. i cant put in words the way i feel. but i guess it's kinda like... the feeling you get, like if even the person most adept at this can't do it, how can i ever hope to? if even the most blissful partnership can come to an end on such an ugly note, is there hope left for any of us? if even the person who seemed like she was so in love could turn out to be such a hypocrite, then is there anybody in this entire world who isn't one? it gives you such a feeling of fear and paranoia. it's a wonder we are not all jaded emotionless beings considering the total lack of humanity here, now. they make me sick.

tell me it'll never be us. i love you.

like the stars who'll never want to leave the sky, nor can they, even if they tried their hardest to.